with Your likeness let me wake

It has been awhile since our last post so we have a lot of catching up to do! My mind works better if I break big things up into littler pieces, so I have broken this journey up into phases.

Phase 1: diagnosis and staging
Phase 2: chemotherapy
Phase 3: recover and recooperate
Phase 4: radiation
Phase 5: follow-up testing and scans

My last chemotherapy treatment was July 1st. The last couple of treatments were difficult physically and my blood counts were very low. They decided to give me a 4-6 week break before beginning radiation to allow my body to recover and build back up. Those 4 weeks were wonderful. It was so great to have a break from the appointments to just rest and recover and enjoy the everyday, normal life. My counts came back up quickly and before we knew it, it was time for radiation. I had several scans (PET and CT) to help with the mapping of my radiation. Due to the location of the mass, my radiation oncologist was very careful and precise in the planning to avoid damage to my heart, lungs and esophogus during radiation treatments.

Radiation treatments are every weekday in 24-hour increments. They want to familiarize you with the routine of what happens every day at your treatments so they schedule you for what they call a "dry run day." I went for mine on Monday, August 2nd, the day before my actual treatments were scheduled to begin. Due to the high demand in radiology, I am doing my treatments at St. Vincent hospital instead of the Cancer Center. For those of you who have never had any experience with radiology, let me tell you, it is amazing! I was laying there thinking, "this is something straight out of Star Wars!" There are laser beams and machines that you've never seen before - it is crazy (and very cool!). During my dry run day they put marks on me (cross points) that will remain there throughout my entire course of treatment. There are laser beams that come down from the ceiling and beams that come in from two sides of the room. Each day they line up those beams with the cross points on my body to ensure that I am in the exact right place and position for treatment. It actually takes longer to get lined up than for the treatment itself! Every day I get one radiation blast with the machine on top of me and two blasts with the machine directly underneath me. The staff there is wonderful! They are always on schedule and secretly I time them every day to see what their best time is - so far the best time has been 11 minutes from walking in the hospital doors to walking out of the hospital doors (and that includes an elevator ride!). Pretty impressive! If my math is correct, they do roughly 4 people an hour on one machine, times two machines in the lab, times 12 hours a day ... they are treating 96 people a day at that lab alone! Across the street at the Cancer Center there are two more machines - just think about that - 192 people are being treated every day just in that one block alone. I am praising God for the way He is saving people's lives!

I have had 11 days of treatment so far and I only have 6 more days to go!! It is going beautifully! So far I have had minimal side effects. My doctor says that radiation is similar to chemo in that each treatment builds on the previous treatment so the further in you go, the more effected you are physically. I still say that this is a breeze compared to chemo!!

God has blessed me immeasurably these last few weeks, actually, He has blessed me these last six months!! It is amazing to look back and see where we have been and I stand here telling you that God has carried me the entire way. With Him, nothing - absolutely nothing - is impossible. In fact, He has made this easier than I could've ever imagined. I would rather have a thousand difficult days with Him than even one easy day without Him.

God is a God of timing. I remember the Sunday after John and I received the news that I had cancer. Emily sang a song at church that Sunday that as I listened, I made it my prayer for this entire journey. I want to share those lyrics with you but before I do, I want to say that whether or not I am healed from cancer does not make God any more or less God. God will always be worthy of praise regardless of our circumstances. His ways are higher than ours and when we are in the center of His will we have nothing to fear. That doesn't always mean things are easy but it is His plan for us and His plan is better than anything we could do ourselves.

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow though I'm worn

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit staid and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love You even more

May this journey be a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Draw me in to be new
Draw me in to more like You
Draw me in, take Your place
How I need to be drawn in to You today

Let the treasures of this trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at Your throne

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Draw me in to be new
Draw me in to more like You
Draw me in, take Your place
How I need to be drawn in to You today

And at the end of my heart's testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Thank you all for your prayers, your encouragement, your support and love. I am unbelievably thankful for each and every one of you. To quote a friend's email that I read this week, "the goodness of God has flooded our lives."

in His love,
-jenny :)